What Would Jesus Drink?
*More Of Jesus' Mailbag*


Jesus' Mailbag

Here is the latest mail I have gotten. Take some time and read!

Jesus,
 
hey i saw this thing on 93x's site. is it for real? humour me, i'm not bright.   
 
sam 

Samantha,
 
Yes my dear there is a Jesus and I do have a website.  Thank you for taking the time to write to me.  And yes you are very bright, you just don't apply yourself like you should.  Don't feel guilty about that though.  I didn't accomplish anything really until I was almost thirty, so believe me it is never too late.  Remember, pot is only to be used in recreation.  Use it everyday and you will do nothing.
 
Love,
 
Jesus

Jesus,

You sck ass! We are not fags you goatfucker! You better not fuckin show your face anywhere near Beta house! We beat the shit out of two of your mormon missionaries who came by! We'll be looking for you, man so you better fucking watch your back!

David "cooter" S.

David,

You kiss your mother with that mouth. Yes, I meant that as a statement not a question. Just because incest is in the bible, doesn't mean it's okay for you and your mother to do what you do. I don't recall ever calling you and your "brothers" a bundle of kindling. I do remember telling you that you can continue living in closeted denial with them through the grace of Everclear. Lastly, could you use both hands while on the computer? I know that would interrupt your almost constant masturbation, but it would do wonders for your typing ability.

Jesus

Jesus or whoever you are,

You are not funny! Not in the least. I cannot believe you can mock my lord and savior Jesus! There should be laws against this kind of thing. Although I support your persecution of homosexuals, closeted and otherwise, I do not see the need to insult the name of God like you do. Jesus would never have "Cyber Sex" nor would he drink! You are disgusting and your website is filth!

Sincerely,

Fred Phelps

Dear Fred,

I just wanted you to know that they are going to enjoy you in hell, where every night is anal/oral night. I also need to address that fact that I don't ever recall giving you the right to judge anyone. You are as much a christian as a Eunuch is a sperm donor. Speaking of which, don't you think that maybe you're protesting a bit too much? After all, you did have many boyfriends in college before you became a "minister". Oh well, enjoy your funky butt-love Freddy. I'd let you in to heaven, but the "fags" don't want you there.

Sincerely,

Jesus



Email Jesus anytime at: jesushcrst@hotmail.com