The Egyptians first invented Beer. I know because I was there. Beer is based on a dare. It was only after the side effect of inebriation was discovered that it's popularity caught on. It was thick, nasty and mixed with urine and excrement and I refused to touch the stuff.

The Normans made serious improvements when it was discovered that the beer tasted much better without feces and piss mixed in. The Normans really perfected the brewing process to the point of a science. When they easily defeated the British, Scottish and Irish, beer was introduced to the Isles.

The Scotts and Irish who were weaned off of breast milk and onto whiskey by six months of age, welcomed beer as a wonderful alternative to living. They also made their own improvements by mixing heather, barley, stones and potatoes to make thick ales and lagers. Later it was decided to take the potatoes and stones out after the great potato famine. Stouts were also introduced. All of those brews were served piss warm.

When beer arrived in the United States it was decided that it should actually be digestible and it would more appealing if it didnt resemble the Mississippi during a drought. With the advent of ice it was also served cold as the Germans had recommended all along. Mexico however has brought back the tradition of hot beer with piss in it. Dont ask me why.

Beers to drink:
Budweiser
Coors
Miller
Bass
Pale Ale
Harp
Rolling Rock
Red Stripe
Carona
Any German import

Beer to avoid:
Colt 45 (generally any malt liqours)
Natural Light
Milwaukees Best
Busch
Keystone(tastes like plastic)